...Has a Mental Illness

There are certain times in life when you are completely thrown off your pedestal and the world comes crashing down. Most of those events seem catastrophic at the time, such as a breakup but aren’t so bad once time heals. However sometimes they really do hurl you into oblivion and leave you utterly stranded.

Elisa* is a friend I’ve had since I was eight, and naturally we’ve been through a lot together. We have gone clubbing and shopping and been on holiday , been through the pregnancy scares, and discussed periods and boys and kissing. I was her maid of honour and our phone bills are perhaps better left unknown.

 

2 years ago, Elisa tried to commit suicide. Then she tried again and again and again.

I lost count at how many attempts exactly. For months it seemed we were suck in this cycle where she would just snap and do something like take pills or go to the cliffs near where she lived with a plan, or cut her wrists. Every night I’d go to bed checking the phone was on and wake up wondering if I’d have a text message saying she had finally succeeded. Luckily I did not.

 

After several overdoses and countless scars on her wrists, Elisa was finally detained and sectioned under the Mental Health Act, and sent to a psychiatric hospital for several months. Here she was diagnosed with BORDERLINE PERSONALITY DISORDER.

 

I spoke to her a few times whilst she was in hospital, and it was like speaking to someone possessed. Elisa wasn’t acting like the girl I’d grown up with, the things she was sprouting terrified me. She was impossible to reason with, and one time I spent close to three hours trying to convince her to not attempt an escape. Which was futile because she did.

 

I couldn’t get through to her. The conversations she’d branch out into started becoming more bizarre and more dangerous. She plotted ridiculous things like assaulting police officers if they tried detaining her, would wonder out all night with a knife and started stealing razor blades. She’d fight the staff at the hospital as if it was some game, and then laugh as she told me the gory details. She decided she wanted an affair with a patient and wouldn’t speak to her husband due to pointless things.

This was massively difficult to deal with for me, I know that sounds selfish to say because it’s not about me but, I am the fixer. I’m the one who people come to with a problem and I talk through it and fix it. But I couldn’t get through to her at all. I couldn’t beg her enough to listen to the hospital staff or to go home or throw the knife away. As I mentioned, Elisa was possessed.

I tried to get her to come home [to her parent’s house here in town] but she refused and those three hundred miles between us seemed further than a trip to the moon. It didn’t help that at the time I dealt with a lot of deaths in my job and one in particular was a suicide of a young man.

 

Before that first phone call from the hospital after that first attempt I’d never have guessed that there was something with Elisa. I’d never have thought she’d have a mental health problem. Yet here we are 2 years later and though her medication stabilises her most of the time, it’s still difficult and I'm constantly wondering if the conversation would be our last, or any visits will be our last...

In England there is a lot of things trying to raise awareness of Mental Health Illnesses, and trying to get people to talk about it. Elisa clearly battles perhaps the most strongest thing ever: her own mind. How can you deal with that and fight yourself? I find it impossible to contemplate.

I pray for her. I pray that people understand exactly that it means by a Mental Health Illnesses, and it has spun a new outlook for me, especially in regards to suicides. Nothing is black or white really.

 

Love Nikki

 

 

...is a Fake Anorexic

Since writing my last blog I noticed a lot of interest centred on the term “fake anorexic”. I never suspected it would be such a common Google search.

In my previous posts I spoke of Jane*, a girl I used to work with who constantly complained to be fat and started vocalising radical eating habits that she didn’t commit to.

Jane is not in any way suffering with an eating disorder. She drank Mountain Dew every day, never skipped meals and snacked on chocolates and candy whenever she went to gush over herself in the staffroom mirror. I had worked with Jane for two years before this started so I know exactly what she is like. I know she likes to be centre of attention, and the fake anorexia saga came after her stalker,  a love affair with her college professor and being a successful fashion blogger – none of which are true.

This is what I meant when I said that Jane was fake anorexic. I monitored her eating of course, and regularly invited her for a date night with food and cocktails. It was just clear she liked to say things to get a reaction – a trait I have noticed a lot of people use.

Nowadays Jane has been demoted to Facebook Friend only, mainly due to work commitments. But in the last few years I’ve realised the term is more boarder than initially thought.

I’m no expert and this is just my opinion, but I think that the fake anorexics can fall into three categories:

      1.      ATTENTION SEEKER – Like Jane, someone who likes to get a reaction from people. They like to have people fussing over them at all times and don’t like it when someone else attempts to steal the spotlight. Without knowing them well or knowing their personality; it could take time to realise they aren’t telling you the whole truth. However it is important to mention – sometimes people say things to get attention because they actually need help. I’d say always monitor the situation, like I did taking Jane for food or bringing in snacks to work.

      2.      THE FANOREXIC – The hype of the media about skinny being beautiful is everywhere. I’ll not bother with the lectures here - but with every mannequin, magazine spread, perfume advert, is it any wonder why people go on diets or skip meals? I don’t think a fanorexic is the same as someone who attention seeks. Whereas they want attention, a fanorexic would prefer to just be seen as “normal”. I get this, I suppose this is what I used to be when I left school and I’d calorie count because I didn’t want to gain weight like my sister. I’d say it wasn’t like having a real disorder – there was no underlining fear, just a worry that I could become fat.

3.      RECOVERED ANOREXIC – Alison* used to suffer an eating disorder pushing twenty years ago. If she had not disclosed this to me then I would have assumed she was a Fake Anorexic because she only eats porridge and salad, will vocalise not being able to eat any treats like chocolate and fusses endlessly about needing exercise. It can be a little annoying listening to her, but I wanted to say that it is important to understand the difference between Alison and Jane. I imagine that I will talk a lot about each of them in this new blog – highlight the differences between.

Any Eating disorder is a potentially fatal. What Jane does seems to knock its seriousness – I mean it’s like someone pretending to have cancer just to get empathy.

As I mentioned in my last blog, I cannot change Jane. She is who she is. What I can do is take pride in how I deal with people like her. If anyone has similar stories or different views, please share them. Again I am not a doctor, this is only my opinion.

Love Nikki

 

 

 

The Introduction...

 

It has been nearly three years since I last wrote on my original blog and it felt wrong to now start it up again. Hence I decided to start this new blog - the sort of sequel.

 

The premise is the same - I'm still going to write about the lives of friends / colleagues and family. I will still be talking about the situations I have come across and had to deal with in the hopes that maybe it will help someone else in the future.

 

Since my last blog update I have had three jobs, a handful more friends and problems, dealt with deaths and marriages and births. I have lost friends for various reasons and still struggle to deal with those who profoundly attention seek.

 

So welcome to Part 2 of The Friend of a Friend Who - where I hope you will discover that sometimes, being just a friend of a friend who... can be a real turbulent rollercoaster ride all on its own. 

 

 

Love Nikki

xx